Step 1 to happiness: Simplify the complicated

The desiderata of happiness

Perhaps, I should learn to feel enough of myself.

My attempt to describe "遗憾" in English with a very cliche story

Today I tried to express my appreciation for Mandarin to my friend from Indonesia- Illya, but I think I did not justify it well enough to completely express my thought.
So I decided to further elaborate my thought here.

The thing started from Illya that has learnt Chinese before, exclaimed that Mandarin is very complicated because some word has different pronunciation in different situation with different meanings.
In this case it was the word "长", that could be read as either (Chang2) which means long or (Zhang3) which means growth.

Then I told her, that's how Chinese is unique.
For example the word "遗憾" (Yi2 Han4) that could not be directly translated to the same meaning in English.
The only closest resemblance is the word "regret", but still, "regret" could not fully describe the meaning and feeling behind the word "遗憾".

I attempted to tell Illya how 遗憾 actually feels like and how is it different from "regret", but I could not think of a fair example on the spot, and I kind of thought of one now.

Perhaps this cliche story could do some justification:

Let's say u were in relationship with a guy when you were in your junior high school. Both of you loved each other and had many sweet memories together (try to imagine that). After 4 years together, the two of you fought and broken up because of some small misunderstanding. Yet because you were still young and immature, stubbornness took over the both of you, nobody wants to back down- and that's why u both are never getting back together. You two split, graduated from high school and continued your life to adulthood without contacting each other again.

After so many years, during a Christmas, when you were striding back to your car with your hands hid in the pocket trying to seek warmth, the snow started to fall. The scene that he coyly passed u a teddy bear under the yellow street light with the street thinly covered in snow, suddenly pops onto your mind. You lips curved into a bitter smile- first you feel blessed, yet you feel regret, that you two weren't getting back together just because of pride. You wonder how your life would be now if you two chose a different path.... You miss the time when you're together, yet you know you could never retrieve that memory ever again.

Very cliche story la I know, but the point is

This feeling cannot be solely described by "regret". And "mixed feelings" is also very meh.
But the word "遗憾" just described it bests :')

No language that I knew of could ever replicate the meaning....

And after much thoughts, I concluded that, every language is unique.

Not because of how extensive the vocabulary is, that can describe human's one hundred thousand types of emotions (humble estimation),
but is because of the user of the language truly understands and feels the meaning within themselves. 

And that's how Mandarin is the most profound language to me ever.

Cause micro-blogging makes our thought cheap

自从上次把电脑送去format后，便再也没返回这里。
因为少了google chrome里set好好的bookmark得空没事做按进来的那种方便 :P

是到昨天
突然想起
tweet一tweet一些觉得还蛮有意思的tweet
觉得自己对撒墨水这方面还是蛮有兴趣的
便到回来

想到自己那些灵机一动的文采
在tweet了过后
被新update推到再也不会倒回去的"more tweets"
就觉得有点那样子的浪费

感觉micro-blogging好像把人的细想都消费化了
所有人排山倒海的心思连同各种其他资讯都冲着你来
一眼扫过便要接着继续扫过别的

像海啸一样的的资讯每分每秒的再更新
人的思想却变得再也不珍贵。

所以今日到此
要把思想储存起来

反正平时脑中都在不停的思考一些乱七八糟的人生理论
总日不得安宁
却也得不到什么好结论

把它们翻译成文字收藏起来
还算略有所成

至少以后自己可以回味
记起原来自己是那么想过

嗨部落格，2014了噢

I'm not used to sharing my naked feelings and thoughts on blog anymore.

把自己的想法都说完出来，是不是就会很容易让人看透。
但其实又是为什么，他们说，让人看透不太好呢？

还蛮想念以前稍微有点墨水的自己。

想把感想说出，但又为了不让人看得太透，
用设想了7749次后想出来最恰当的比喻，
还有努力使用言情小说般的词语
把emo的心情编成很像macam yes的blogpost。


还不错的一种文笔锻炼吧，哈哈。

一位让我敬佩的女生

现在是凌晨2:05分

本来要睡觉了

却因阅读一位女性朋友的部落格而有感而发

打开了blogger App回来到了这一块抒发心情的地方

这位女生是我一直以来都默默在欣赏的女孩

我欣赏

她的努力奋斗

她的待人处事

她的坚持

她的勤恳

她对追求幸福的坦荡荡

刚刚还读了她的部落格

发现了她更让我敬佩的感性一面

让我眼泪莹框的在这里写着这篇文章

不是因为伤感或任何负面感觉

而是是在太令人敬佩，欣赏，心疼

同时也反映了自己所付出的努力是多么的不足

这位女生是一位在工作上有缘认识的

并非相熟

彼此简单地交换了twitter和instagram

开始一段平行却一直存在着的关注

而却也为我打开了激励性的一页

以旁观者的身份让我看见了一位女生为生活与爱情的毅力，坚持与奋斗

感动不已

那位女生大概有九十巴仙不会看见我的这篇文章

可是就让它默默的，

只是默默的真心想要祝福那位女孩能得到幸福

因为她真的值得，

好值得。

晚安

Ma Birthdayyyyyyyy! (Part 1)

Is it too late to write about my birthday now?
But I suddenly got the urge to document it so, don't care :P

Sooooooooo, I was a busy woman on my birthday.
Go to class for test→ Birthday Lunch with classmate→ Go to office for work assessment→ Lunch again with colleagues→ B'day dinner with babes
The schedule of that day was super packed, but actually I quite enjoyed being so busy on that day tho!

Cause I got a big consolation when I get to receive a lot of birthday greetings from my different friends of different circles when I was moving around. :P

Truth to be told, I really enjoyed myself when everyone is greeting me,
and I even inwardly pretended that I'm the princess of the day! Lololol

(Don't judge me, it's my privilege on that day ok :P)
---------------------------

My test actually started at 10.
I'm usually a sleepyhead that will only wake up 10 minutes before class (or even lesser :x) and end up being late to class.

But, I woke up extremely early that day, just to dress up myself! RARE CASE!
Causeeeeeeeee, which girl doesn't want to look better on her own special day!?

*insert one superficial selca taken before test starts

Then, we went to Salute Dining& Wine for the lunch and little celebration.
The name might sound fancy, but it's actually an Italian casual dining restaurant which serves pastas and pizzas at a fairly affordable price for students!

A pic with the mates from my POV

And their pastas are pretty good too. I especially liked the Pasta Vongole- which is not stingy in serving me with good amount of clamps given at the considerably low price!
(Cos' you know some restaurants might sell cheap but they actually cut down on the ingredients, meh)

The birthday cake. These candles are my favorite! *I'm still keeping it

It's been my wish just not to have the typical-birthday-candles-in-pink for my birthday!
I'm so glad that it came true!
Gotta thank Illya for buying the cake and the lovely candles! :D

 And of course, picture with the girls is a must! (Guys optional xP)

With Gene :P

and Illya :)

After a cheerful lunch, then it was time to go back for stress again
It was my first job assessment in ISAC!
I'm so glad that I passed it in the end! Consider a birthday present for myself eh? :P

Thankfully too, my fellow colleagues gave me a little surprise in the pantry.
They told me it's going to be a debriefing session for the assessment LOL

Yugaa and all actually forced me to finish the rest of the cake without using my hands.
It was so damn awkward when everybody is watching me to eat it -_-
*note that it's extremely quiet when all are watching, lol

So check out my disapproving look here (changed into ISAC shirt as required for job assessment *good girl)

After the session, we all actually go to Salute *again for their late lunch

Check out the funny Yugaa posing for the camera

and Kok Hin caught eating ugli-ly HAHAHAHAHA I just found these pics in my ipad idky xD

After the session, I went home straight to prepare myself for the dinner again. Sigh so rush

An ootd pic? Love my shoes that seems to be strapless infront hehe

It was kinda sad that only two of my babes can come tho, since most of them were having holiday at hometown or either went oversea for study ady. T_T

Nevertheless, gotta thank the darling Dommie for bringing us to ACME Bar and Coffee in Troika for the birthday dinner.
The place was soooooooooo beautifuuuulllll :)
Definitely a great place for a chill out night.

However, the food that I had was not that impressive for me.

The only picture I got for the food from Dom's POV. 

It's Dom's "Smoked Salmon Wheatberry Salad"
Rou's "Just Mac& Cheese" on the right (Nice name right lol)
and you can also take a peek of my "Roasted Lemon Spring Chicken" on the top of the pic xD
and also a snack we ordered called "Patete Fritt"
(Yes, I googled for the full name of the food xD) 
My spring chicken was especially salty O.o

And of course picture taime! The lighting was kinda dim inside the restaurant so we only had low resolution picture inside :(

With the loves ❤

A pic of myself taken with Blackberry O.O took so much of brightness adjust haha

Girls never give up to take good picture when all are dolled up. xD
So one pic outside the restaurant xD

The romantic trio on that night hehe

And daaat pretty much sums up the things happened on my birth-day itself.

Perhaps a part two in short while.
I have yet to talk about the cute surprise by my roommie and two idiots XD

That's all for now first ok :P
Thanks for reading!
Goodnight ❤

自怜

Whatever sadness and depression that have been surrounding  me
Only reminded myself about how emotionally incapable I am

While I am writing this, is only proving it more-
About how I am so aware about this handicap all the time

I kept thinking
If I were to love myself more
And is a little bit more capable

Maybe all these sadness would have been voided
And I would handle all these depression and disappointment better

But I can only
Dwell in it

Feeling insecured
Blaming myself and deciding its my fault and incapability for whatever happened

I can't help
I just feel so small and unworthy

Some said self awareness is good

While I just hope I could feel less
And care less

癢

她是悠悠一抹斜陽 多想多想 有誰懂得欣賞 他有藍藍一片雲窗 只等只等 有人與之共享 她 是綿綿一段樂章 多想 有誰懂得吟唱 他 有滿滿一目柔光 只等只等 有人為之綻放 來啊 快活啊 反正有大把時光 來啊 愛情啊 反正有大把愚妄 來啊 流浪啊 反正有大把方向 來啊 造作啊 反正有大把風光 啊 癢 大大方方 愛上愛的表像 迂迂迴回 迷上夢的孟浪 越慌越想越慌 越癢越搔越癢 哎呀... ... 她是悠悠一抹斜陽 多想多想 有誰懂得欣賞 他有藍藍一片雲窗 只等只等 有人與之共享 她 是綿綿一段樂章 多想 有誰懂得吟唱 他 有滿滿一目柔光 只等只等 有人為之綻放 來啊 快活啊 反正有大把時光 來啊 愛情啊 反正有大把愚妄 來啊 流浪啊 反正有大把方向 來啊 造作啊 反正有大把風光 啊 癢 大大方方 愛上愛的表像 迂迂迴回 迷上夢的孟浪 越慌越想越慌 越癢越搔越癢

From time to time,
I will always come to a point which I will not know what I want for my life

Falling in love

My fall in love kind of songs

Naked heart

Feel like escaping to somewhere all alone.
Or with someone, or only a few.
With naked hearts.
No social networks.
Only true hearts, sincere random thoughts, skies.

Goodnight

Girls Night Out

It has always been my wish to have a girls-only night out

and it finally came true! :D:D

So to celebrate Eehui's birthday, and also Eileen and Sherhuey's farewell, we went to Le Midi for dinner.

The food there were extremely expensive :O (luxury restaurant y'all)

We ended up very samtong dining there D:

Highlight of the dinner is Tzechin ordered a dessert which is made of a few strawberries and 3 pieces of Marshmallow and it costed RM38! lolllllllllll

Would have been wiser to spend the money on something more worthy

Luxuries are not my level yet~~

The group pic in Le Midi with all the 8 girls! (Including me :P)

After the dinner we all suddenly feel like shasha-ing

So we head to SOULed Out for a small session of chills

and gave Eehui a little surprise there :)

The birthday girl pic

Stole the birthday hat for a selfie xD

HAHA and then nexttttttttttttt is the highlight of the night
Which is being ALCOHOLIC in Eileen's house! xD

All were so fed up going to clubs and pubs cause it is really tiring
So we decided to do get tipsy at home instead xD

Bought so many types of beers and wine *syokness

I was really interested to try out a lot of types of beer so we bought many varieties
Tried out the 青島啤酒 which I always seen in Wo Ke Neng Bu Hui Ai Ni drama :D
The ones that ChenBoLin and LinYiChen always drink together :DDD
It smells like Petai LOL but tastes quite light and easy to swallow
And I also had my favorite Paulaner yeahhhhhhhh

Buying like this are really surprisingly low cost compared to drinking outside mannnnn
We had so many types of alcohol and it only costed around RM30 for each of us!

Most importantly, we really enjoyed kenggai-ing and sharing secrets *ngekngek with the comforts at home ❤

                   

Girls never stop taking pictures of everything  (including self)

Some at-home-crazy group pics!

      

Laughed so hard when look back at this pic the next day! Look at Sherhuey!!!!! xDDDFFF

Vine that everyone screamed actually dono for what xD

High sangat lolxD

They reason why I recorded this instavidception is because the NEXT button in instagram suddenly disappeared and we cant proceed to post it!

Still remember that time me and Rou and Sara laughed and screamed so hard just because we can't find the NEXT button!
LOL! 
Thanks to the tipsiness we went really crazy xD

Haha, purposely took pic with Sara cause we rarely have selfies together :O
Because we were really close since small so we naturally don't feel the need to take picture with each other~

Sara's unamused face

Same thing, also realized I did not take any selfies with Eileen and Rou this time

Probably because we were also seeing each other quite often (even more than often with Rou cause she's my roommate XD)

Anyways here's my other four sweeties which I don't always get to see them ❤❤❤❤

And last pic the selfie of myself~
Thanks to Eileen for helping me to paste for a deeper double eyelid so I have beautiful double eyelids that night 
*yay :P

                               

Byebye :P

Smokey Taboo

The lyrics are too beautiful as a whole I have to share this

They call her smokey taboo
I got your name tattooed
High like a helium balloon
Midnight to noon
I'm a desert child
And mountains make me nauseous
I like to look up wild at an infinite sky
Twinkling with diamonds
It's true I get depressed in fancy hotel rooms
Undressed with nothing to flaunt but my loneliness
Thinking of the night song of your hair
Premature as evening falls
It calls to me
Interrupted by the sirens in the street

Somedays you're like an anchor on my heart
They say that stolen water tastes sweet
More like rotten milk and rancid meat to me
I prefers when it is free
Like looking at the stars
Don't need no fancy cars
When we first
Our kisses sparked
Yeah I'm afraid of sharks
But not the dark

Werewolf

In a dream I was a werewolf
My soul was filled with crystal light
Lavender ribbons of rain sang
Ridding my heart of mortal fight

Broken sundown fatherless showdown
Gun hip swollen lip bottle sip, yeah I suck dick
Loose grip on gravity falls sky blinding crumbling walls
River sweep away my memories of
Children's things a young mother's love
Before the yearning song of flesh on flesh
Young hearts burst open wounds bleed fresh
A young brother skinny and tall my older walks
Oceanward and somber, slumber sleeping
Flowers in the water, but I'm just his daughter
Walking down an icy grave leading to my
Schizophrenic father. Weeping willow won't you wallow louder
Searching for my father's power

I'm a shake you off though
Get up on that horse and
Ride into the sunset
Look back with no remorse

He's a black magic wielder some say a witch
Wielded darkness when he was violent, my eyes my arms
And and I'm her child and he was the bastard that broke
Up the marriage evil doer doing evil from a baby carriage
And he was born with the same blue eyes
Crystal ships dripping with ice, diamonds coruscate
In the night fireworks electric bright
And now he's got his own two sons
Trys to hide his tears in a world of fun
But loveless bedrooms filled with doom
Bring silent heartache July to June
Swoon over new young heart flame
Mourn the memories later
Laugh now alligator

In a dream my father came to me
And made me swear that I'd keep
What's sacred to me
And if I get the choice to live in his name
I'll pray my way through the rain
Singing oh happy day

I don't mean to close the door
But for the record my heart is sore
You blew through me like bullet holes
Left stains on my sheets and stains on my soul
You left me broke down begging for change
Had to catch a ride with a man who's deranged
He had your hands and my father's face
Another western vampire
Different time same place
I has dreams that brings me sadness
Rain much deeper than a river
Sorrow flow through me
Tiny waves of shivers
Corny movies make me reminisce
They break me down easy on this generic love ship
First kiss frog and princess

I'm a shake you off though
Get up on that horse and
Ride into the sunset
Look back with no remorse

Still into you

I would love this more if the lyrics are not this happy.

Somehow feel that the line and the way she sings sounds sad:

"But I'm into you, I'm into you"

Looking for that trigger

A genuine morning greetings

A funny joke

A good wake up vibes

A good weather

A good song

A sad movie that is watched last night, which emptied the load of sadness

A missed call

A whatsapp text from the person that you would like to receive from

A heart to heart talk

Anything that can make me free of constraints and charged with passion

We cannot choose where we come from, but we can choose where to go.

I allow emotion to dominate my body
Let negativity errodes my mind
Then wailed like a kid that was sad because she didn't get the candy- it's not really that heartbreaking
But I wailed
Because we just need to cry once in a while

I'm Waiting Here

Listening to this in an air-conditioned room
Feeling so breezy

Love it
Thanks Sara

Lucky boy

I almost teared watching that boy dancing in red shoes.
I can totally tell that he loves and enjoys dancing so much.

He's so into it, and he's so good at it!

I want to cry!
This is the epitome of what people say:
do what you love doing, and love what you do!

He's so lucky.
His passion and efforts earned him this opportunity,
and I can tell he appreciates this opportunity of performing on the stage with CL so much, that he's putting all his hearts into it!

So amazing :')
Luck is not just something given to you for free out of a sudden,
but is what you have loved and worked so hard for,
and finally there are people noticing, appreciating and loving you for that.

You will shine and luck finds you!